Scorch-Mane. Smiles are rare from this Stallion.

Scorch-Mane is the owner of the Canterlot Armory and Weapons Store. He was born a Unicorn, but after signing up for a Military Project, he was given wings and they expected him to fly. This attempt at creating the ultimate Canterlot guard failed though, as his wings are not connected to his brain, rendering them useless. Though that operation failed, he has still been dropped off in many countries to assassinate Dictators, Rogue soldiers, Rebel group leaders, and, on one occasion, tore an entire country apart to find one man, who was then gutted with a machete. He currently lives outside Canterlot's boundaries, and goes to Ponyville whenever he has time. Though many class this as 'Anti-Friendship', he never smiles, laughs, tells jokes, or 'D'awww's. Seeing him smile is like finding a mine full of oil, natural gas, diamonds, gold, platinum, silver, coal, and a conviniently placed, fully equipped mine for ALL those things.

Physical/Mental DescriptionEdit

Roughly the height of Princess Molestia, his flaming mane, tail and hooves prove a detterent for most other ponies. He holds the rank of Spec-Ops in the Equestrian Military, and has assassinated many politicians and dictators. There are no happy thoughts going through his mind, only thoughts of how he will get back at the stallion who killed his father in front of his very eyes. Rarely speaking, he uses text, sign language, and threatening ponies with weapons to get his point through.


His home may be in Canterlot, but he does go to Ponyville whenever time allows. The engineer Fuselight has repaired his armour so many times that most guards jokingly say he needs a loyalty card. His behaviour has branded him 'The opposite Element Holder', as most of his actions go against the Elements of Harmony. This has encouraged Princesses Celestia and Luna to attempt to help him when he needs it, in the hope that he will change his ways. He has many contacts around Equestria, and most of them are on Canterlot's High Command.

He recently met a Mare who was roughly the same build as him. She called herself 'Hot-Hooves'. She explained about Rule 63 to him, but this just resulted in Scorch-Mane kicking her out of his way.
I am not what you just called me

Top right: Scorch-Mane's lengthy explanation.

Many ponies will usually arrive on the Tumblr Train, and usually he is there to greet them. A recent arrival was Dawn Star, who questioned why everypony in Ponyville was naked. Scorch-Mane then came up with a ridiculously lengthy explanation, said to take her clothes off to fit in, and referred to her as 'Ma'am'. She then told him he was a pervert and walked off.

He is frowned upon by Fluttershy, who was present when he killed a bear and bit a large lump of it's flesh off.

And then he ate it.


It is rare to see Scorch-Mane not armed with a weapon of some form. Be it a rifle, pistol, explosive, or knife, it is always his first instinct to use it. When threatened by a group or individual, it results in many deaths, wounds, broken bones, and lots of blood. Almost always has an angry expression on his face, but this drops away when he sees Princess Luna, whom he has a major crush on. However, he believes getting a Marefriend would 'be a painfully slow life for [him]'. He can, and will, threaten ponies, usually because he believes that they work as spies. Has been killed on many occasions, though it is unknown how he is revived...


"..." - Usual amount of noise coming out of his mouth.

"Unless you can heal a shotgun wound, you should p!$@ off." - Upon being threatened/Harassed

"Goddamn. When did that happen?" - Upon missing a major event that everypony is conversing about.

"BOOM! COOKED!" - Shouted after killing/wounding an opponent.

"Umm...Y-your majesty..." - Upon seeing Princess Luna. Said whilst blushing.

"Unnn! Sanez Vo Beya!" - When injured. (Roughly translates to "Unnn! Son of a Bitch!" from his very poor grasp of Spanish.

"Ow! What the buck was that for?!?!" - After being kicked by a mare, even when he has no clue what he did.

"Hey, wanna buy a gun?" - His terrible advertising slogan.

"Cool story, brony." - When told a boring story.

"(Swearing)" - Practically the only other thing that comes out of his mouth when someone tries to make him laugh.

"Well thanks, sir/ma'am. A stallion likes to be complimented on stuff other than his ability to make succulent pig." - Upon being complimented.

"Shut your trap." - Harassed.

"Aw, crap!" - When he knows he'll get his flank kicked.

"STOP! Hammer Time." - When carrying a hammer AND preparing to break somepony's skull.


Though Scorch-Mane considers most ponies to be a potential threat, he has several opponents that stand out from the crowd.

Askyourgunrunner: A rival arms dealer.

Princess Molestia: She once ordered a large contingent of her best guards to capture Scorch-Mane and bring him to her. It did not end well for the guards. AT ALL.

Bright-Eyes: Was once drive-by glitterbombed by her. No effects, though the vehicle she was driving ran into a landmine.